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25 October 2017 @ 10:23 pm
fic: Near to you  
Fandom: Hey! Say! JUMP
Pairing: Yabu Kota/Yaotome Hikaru
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 2,059
Summary: “Do you ever think of where we would be if we hadn’t met?”
Notes: Gosh it's been a long three weeks of not writing, and I'm writing something that isn't porn?? What? But yeah. I started this randomly and kinda followed my imagination. I hope you guys enjoy it~

“Do you ever think of where we would be if we hadn’t met?”

Yabu looked up from his phone to the other man sitting across the room from him. Even with Hikaru’s eyes glued to the tv screen, he wasn’t watching the sitcom that flooded their vision.

“That’s a…strange question,” Yabu said. He placed his phone on the arm of the couch before beckoning Hikaru over. “What brought this on?”

Hikaru’s brows furrowed, glancing between the tv screen and Yabu before ultimately making the decision to stand. He sunk into the couch next to Yabu, but his hands settled in his own knees. His body stayed stiff instead of crashing into Yabu’s like he normally did when they shared the couch.

“I dunno?” Hikaru said. “I just…I couldn’t help it I guess?” He looked at the lines, the ridges of his fingers as he spoke. “I’ve just been thinking of a lot of worse case scenarios to prepare myself.”

“Hikaru,” he said. He tried to place a hand on the other man’s knee, but Hikaru drew away. “You’re honestly scaring me right now. What’s wrong?”

“It’s…we’ve been friends for so long, and I trust you so much,” Hikaru said. A little tremor formed in his words with every passing consonant. “I’ve told you things about myself that I’ve never told another person before.”

He remembered those nights. They stayed up late in high school, texting back and forth until one of them fell asleep. Even separate universities couldn’t keep the two of them apart, and they always found their way back to the other.

“Yabu.” His voice was trembling. “What would I do without you? I…I’m so scared.”

“I don’t understand,” Yabu said. He tried to do something, anything, to console his friend, but Hikaru wouldn’t allow him. “Why are you scared?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Hikaru,” Yabu said. He tried to reach out again, but he held himself back. “I’ve told you. Your feelings aren’t stupid.”

“It is,” Hikaru said. He could see the tears forming, the visible shakes in his body. “I just…I’m scared,” he took a shaky breath in before he continued. “I’m scared because you’re…straight.”

It hit Yabu at once, making sense of the topic. Why Hikaru was scared.

He had always known Hikaru had been gay. There was something different about the boy that had intrigued him that no other person had. He had always noticed little quirks about Hikaru. The mysterious hickey he tried to hide when he claimed he wasn’t interested in anyone or even how clingy he had become in recent years.

When Hikaru finally came out to him, he welcomed his friend with open arms. He had always heard stories of families and friends pushing away a person after them came out. Their entire life crumbled around with two words. There wasn’t a way in hell Yabu was pushing away his friend, no matter what plagued Hikaru in their time apart.

There was always a night that stood out in Yabu’s mind. One in their first year of university where Hikaru had shown up at his apartment, near in tears, and hadn’t wanted to say a word on why. He had asked a few questions, trying to get hints, but when Hikaru froze, Yabu gave up trying. He welcomed his friend into his home and quickly made sure Hikaru was taken care of.

He had let Hikaru do whatever he wished, take over his bathroom, borrow his oversized sleepwear that fit Hikaru’s frame. Nothing was off limits and, even after making up the sleeper sofa for Hikaru to claim for his own, Yabu let Hikaru share his bed. In the morning, he woke up curled around his friend, bodies pressed close together, and Yabu had never felt closer to him.

More followed. More sleepovers. More time spent together on the weekends. More, more, more. Yabu continued to give Hikaru what he wished, and the more he gave, the more he knew what he was building within his friend. He didn’t want to admit that Hikaru was crushing on him. How the light he saw was just admiration and not something deeper.

Yabu wasn’t gay.

At least that’s what he told himself. He loved girls. Loved their soft edges and plush thighs. How they moaned and fell between his legs, and he ran his hands along the curves of his own body to bring himself higher whenever he thought of one on their knees before him.

He wasn’t sure when his fantasies slowly started to change. Perhaps it was when Hikaru started spending more time snuggled close to him, but Yabu wasn’t sure. Slowly the woman between his legs began to transform. Her hair became shorter and shorter, her jaw more chiseled and cut. Her eyes turned deeper and more understanding, more eager to please but still had mischief to them for their next big plan.

He liked how his mind imagined this person. A warm mouth, gifted tongue. How their eyes looked skyward and their mouth seemed to curl into a smile when they noticed Yabu looking. The pleasure they gave Yabu as his imagination filled in the details that his mind couldn’t comprehend. Day after day, week after week, the images became more vivid until, from start to finish, the person was the same as he stroked himself.

There should have been confusion. There should have been worry, doubt, anger, anything to explain why it was a man wrapped around him instead of the soft lips of woman. When he fell down from his high, chest heaving and fingers sticky, it felt natural for it to have been his friend as any woman Yabu fantasized about.

“Why are you worried?” Yabu asked. He wanted to pull Hikaru close, to hug him, but he didn’t want to scare his friend away. “Do you really think I would push you away because of how you feel?”

“I don’t know,” Hikaru said, playing with his fingers. “I guess…I guess I thought you wouldn’t want to see me anymore.”

“You know I wouldn’t do that,” Yabu said. He leaned closer to Hikaru. “And I don’t hate it, you know. I don’t hate the idea of dating you. Let’s see where this goes.”

It was a moment before Hikaru spoke, his eyes watching every movement of Yabu’s body before he shifted away. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I wouldn’t mind dating you,” Yabu said. “I want to hold your hand and take you on dates, and, if it doesn’t work out, then we can go back to how things were.”

“You…I don’t know how you’re talking about me,” Hikaru said, a little bite appearing in his words.

“How am I talking about you?” he asked.

“Like…like I’m some video game you can return if you don’t like it,” Hikaru said. “I’m a person, and I’m taking this seriously. It’s my feelings at stake here.”

“And mine as well,” Yabu said. He took Hikaru’s hands into his, not letting the other man slip away. “I’ve…never done this before? The whole dating a guy thing, so I need help. Just…be patient with me, okay? I want to love you as much as you love me.”

He wasn’t sure how long he waited, a minute, two, or even closer to half an hour, but finally Hikaru sighed, unable to look Yabu in the eyes.

“This is what I was afraid of,” Hikaru said, words low. “If this doesn’t work out, I’m going to lose my best friend. Even if you think things will remain the same, they won’t. They won’t ever be the same.”

“You won’t lose your best friend,” Yabu said. He kissed Hikaru’s fingers, trying not to let his eyes go wide when the other man gasped. “I’m going to make sure I stick around.” He smiled. “I promise.”

“I,” Hikaru said, he pulled his hands from Yabu’s. “I don’t believe it. I’m sorry. I’ve only seen you date woman, and I don’t want to be led on.”

“Then what do I need to do?” Yabu asked.

“Prove it.” Firm eyes watched his every move. “Kiss me.”

Nothing wavered in Hikaru’s eyes as he watched Yabu blink. His heart beat a little too quickly in his chest, his lips parted. What kind of kiss did Hikaru mean? Something slow? Something wet? One where Yabu’s hands wandered his frame, triggering a desire he had only begun to think about.

He compromised with himself, leaning in and pressing his lips against Hikaru’s for but a moment. Enough time to get a hint of flavor he thought about, and it was a kiss nonetheless.

“That’s…that’s not a kiss,” Hikaru said. His lips far more plump than Yabu remembered, and he watched them as they formed different words. “Give me a real one.”

His lips lingered far longer the next time, feeling the curve of Hikaru’s lips, the roughness of them. It was soft and gentle. No fireworks or sparks shot out from the sky. It was the type of kiss Yabu had before, from bar hookups or past relationships. It was a normal kiss.

But it was more.

A wave of warmth filled him up as he wrapped an arm around Hikaru’s neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. The light spread through his body, starting from the heart and following the path of his veins to the capillaries in the tips of his fingers. His elbows, his toes, everything radiated with a heat that would have burned his skin alive if he tried to touch it.

His tongue begged for entrance, and Hikaru gave Yabu what he wanted far too easily. Yet there was something he couldn’t let go of. How, even when Hikaru submitted to his wishes, he still pushed back. He challenged Yabu to give more than he had, telling Yabu he wouldn’t settle for second best and Yabu gave it to him. His lips demanded only the best.

Had he been drugged? Was Hikaru poisonous to his every waking moment? The more they were together, the less Yabu wanted to pull apart. He wanted nothing more than to push the other man onto the couch and kiss him. Yabu had never experienced a kiss like Hikaru’s, and his lips only wanted to take more and more.

Hikaru broke the kiss, chest heaving much like Yabu’s own. His eyes went to Hikaru’s lips, so red and thoroughly kissed. Flashes of flavor danced across his mind, the sweet feeling of Hikaru against him. More. He wanted more.

“We need to stop,” Hikaru said. His hands still rested on Yabu’s chest, ready to push back if necessary.

Stop? No. They couldn’t. Had he done something wrong? Had he offended Hikaru without knowing? He hadn’t meant to. Yabu knew he would do anything to make it better.

“If I keep doing this…I’ll let you take more than I’m ready to give,” Hikaru said, his fingers digging into the fabric of Yabu’s shirt.

More? What could that-

Oh. More.

Yabu could feel his face heat up at the thought. Those dirty little sounds he hadn’t considered filling his mind. “Ah.”

“I’m not ready for that,” Hikaru said, his breath shaky. “I want you to so badly, but I wouldn’t be able to survive if I did.” Yabu could see him lean forward once more, but Hikaru caught himself. He pulled back and continued breathing. “I want you to love me. I want you to love me so badly, and I won’t settle for anything less before I let you take everything I have.”

“And I’ll prove my feelings,” Yabu said, tucking a few stray hairs behind Hikaru’s ear. “Time and time again until you believe me.” He curled his hands around Hikaru’s face, letting their foreheads rest together. “I won’t let you push me away because you’re scared.”

A sigh brushed Yabu’s skin, a warmth that tickled his face before Hikaru pulled away, scooting farther away from Yabu. “I hope I’m making the right decision.”

Yabu reached out a hand, stroking the top of Hikaru’s own. “Trust me. Just like you did yesterday or the day before or five years ago.”

“I do,” Hikaru said, his voice still shaking, the need seeping through. “I just don’t know if I trust myself to keep my own word.”