Pairing: Takaki Yuya/Chinen Yuri
Summary: People always spoke about how much easier it became, the more time passed. How the scars of a broken, torn apart heart slowly mend together to become whole again. The pain of living day by day slowly returned to normalcy until you can’t remember what life was like with them.
Notes: Originally this was supposed to be cute TakaChii cuddles, but then I listened to Adele's song "I miss you" and it turned into this sad, depressing mess. Whoops?
People always spoke about how much easier it became, the more time passed. How the scars of a broken, torn apart heart slowly mend together to become whole again. The pain of living day by day slowly returned to normalcy until you can’t remember what life was like with them.
No one spoke about how much time it did take. How the visions haunted you, and their presence seeped out from every corner of the room, filling your lungs until it hurt to swallow. No matter where you look, their face is there, and their scent lingers in even the deepest corners.
Everywhere he goes, Chinen can feel him. A simple brush of clothing against his naked arm, a warm breath tickling his ear as he attempts to cook. The ghosts of the past have a firm grasp on him, weaving their wispy fingers through his hair and over his body, circling around and around until he can’t remember which direction is up.
He has no control over time. The clock ticks by in an irregular rhythm that his heart can’t keep up with. One second darkness surrounds him and the next he’s bathed in a warm light. Nothing feels real the more he lays there, trying hard to grasp as some semblance of reality.
Knocks, hard ones, pound against Chinen’s door. Words escaping into the silent air, but his ears can’t make any sense of them. His phone rings, and he chucks it across the room. It’s all too loud, too much noise. He wants to hear the deafening silence coursing through his veins. Wants his eardrums to burst from the resounding echoes. More than anything he wants to feel. Something. Anything.
A warmth surrounds him, and he ignores it just like the others. The ghosts like to play with him tempting him with their languages, sounds and consonants merging together to form a language his mind won’t let him understand. He listened before, ears straining to make sense of it all, but he’s long tried to forget their existence.
But there’s a weight to it now, covering his skin and pulling him close, molding his body to their own. It’s pure, light and bright, with a little innocence that sends shockwaves to his heart. He knows this feeling all too well. The broad chest, the tickle of breath in his ear. It can’t be real
Chinen wants to turn around, see him in person, gaze upon that beautiful face once more, but those arms lock him in place, and, strangely, he’s content, protected. As if nothing could harm him in this very moment, a shield surrounding every inch of him that keeps him from walking off the edge.
“It doesn’t count as a sneak attack if I can see you coming,” he whispers, just as he always did. Chinen wraps his hand over the other’s man’s arms.
“It’s not supposed to be a sneak attack,” Takaki says, his voice a comforting warmth in Chinen’s ears. “You told me never to surprise you, and I kept my promise that I wouldn’t.”
He wants to move, to get up to look Takaki in the face. To let him see the hatred painted across it, to let him know how deep the pain has run. He wants to throw things, to yell, to scream, but his body won’t move. Just clutches desperately to the arms holding him, not wanting to let go.
“You surprised me when you left,” Chinen chokes out.
“Then why did you leave?” he shouts.
Silence hangs its heavy curtain around them. The pounding beat enough to make him seek out insanity. He shouldn’t have asked. Does he want to know the answer? Would it even quell his heart?
“I don’t know,” Takaki finally answers. “People do stupid things when they’re angry.” He laces his fingers with Chinen’s own. “I’d take it all back if I could.”
They both know he can’t. Takaki can’t take back the anger, the fire that burned so bright it had cracked their entire world in half. He couldn’t take back the heavy knock on the door, the dancing blue and red lights against the glass. The words of the man before him, describing everything in complicated details that Chinen’s ears tune out after the first couple words. The hollow wound in his chest that’s left that will never be whole.
He leans back, back crashing onto the couch, Takaki’s presence gone and his last words echoing through all that remained. Words of hatred and malice, over something so silly as needing to spend more time together, had driven them apart. The look in Takaki’s eyes, so full of agony and longing, were forever burned into Chinen’s mind.
He’s tried to move forward, push that horrid night from his mind, but the memories are too powerful to overcome. They latch onto his skin, pulling him deeper and deeper into a black abyss that clouds his mind. He tries to reach out, to grasp onto anything to allow anything to drag him back into reality. His hands only find miles of regret, and one thought flows through Chinen’s mind.
It should have been me.